Chemo & the White Sox

Admittedly I'm not much of a baseball fan. I did fall asleep for the last two games of the World Series, and occasionally when folks say 'White Sox' I check the color of my socks. BUT when the World Series Champions parade by UIC pre-chemo-- I'll jump on the band wagon. Sure the team blew past us at 35 mph- but how often does that happen? All that excitement pretty well tuckered me out for treatment- which I promptly slept through.

My momma camped out for chemo this weekend. While it may sound exciting to come along -- really it's not that big of a deal. For the on looker, it muyct be very dull as I spend a good deal of the weekend sleeping, and another portion doing typcial Megan weekend stuff, which I suppose could be asmueing to others beside myself.

This visit certainly did set my mother's mind at rest-- while a lot of cancer patients have horror stories of treatment; my treatment is certainly a walk in the park. (for all you looky lous, she brought the digital camera; soon I may be posting photos of all my lovely caps, hats, and a great pair of KNEE SOCKS (Thank you Aunt Ann!!). Other wise I'm pretty pumped with the idea of being done in November, I've got my fingers crossed for one last month!
peace & love-- megs

GREAT NEWS!

It's been a great week! First, my white blood cell counts are up so I only had to have on 'booster' shot this week rather than two. Second, I went in for an appointment with my oncologist today. Going on a chest x-ray from a couple weeks ago, the report shows a 'marked shrinkage' in the mass! Which didn't mean all that much to me until he talked about me stopping chemo soon!

The new game plan looks like I'll have a CAT Scan on Friday which will give a much better picture of the mass. From there we'll determine if I can stop soon. But if it looks as good as the x-ray may indicate then after finishing the third and fourth sessions (hello, end of November), I'll take a two week break and have a PET scan to really determine if I'll need the fifth and sixth treatments or not!

Amusing little things

First of all try this- Go to Google type in 'failure' and then hit "I feel lucky." This alone was enough to make my day.

Second, I found this great website called www.planetcancer.org

The following is a top ten list I pulled from their site for your enjoyment

Top 10 Ways to Disrupt the Waiting Room

1. Ask everyone around you to do things "stat".
2. Offer free prostate exams.
3. Ask everyone nervously whether they have a "spare catheter".
4. Pop a tape in the VCR of you in an avocado-eating contest.
5. Supplement bland waiting room periodicals with nurse-fetish pornography.
6. Give your best rendition of that dance-floor classic: The Naked Raptor.
7. Hold up sign that reads, "Free chemo in the parking lot".
8. Initiate spelling bee. Be unflinchingly cruel with errors.
9. Leaf through every magazine in the room, shake hands with everyone else and then say loudly, "Jesus, this flesh-eating scabies itches like a mother".
10. Repeatedly refer to the doctor you're waiting to see as "The Trembling Butcher".

another week.

And so it goes. First treatment of the third session. Almost half way.
As for this session, I managed to wallop my beloved once again in Scrabble-- he is threatening not to play with me anymore. Which is very disappointing, because he's a much better speller than I.

I made brave attempts to get more done this weekend than others when I've had treatment. Including getting a good start on a paper and making it to church on Sunday. Both were efforts that led to much napping / sleeping afterward. While I've mentioned it before, I'm certainly more aware between each session the slow tapping of my physical energy. Lessons I learned long ago like "haukna mattada, pole ploe" certainly do ring true.

In other far more exciting news- Miss. Vay Kay will be officially changing her name to Mrs. McMillen (spelling?) next fall. Lucky Brad surprised the bejesus out of Heather, good for him!~ Odd, when I first met Heather the first thing she told me all about was her dream wedding. A great big ole Southern Ball with bridesmaids in hoop skirts (I believe she promised me pink or yellow). Lucky for me, in the time I've known her Heather's tastes have migrated away from hoop skirts!

Spliting Hairs

A disclaimer:
I knew that a I'd have to post about my hair and my feelings about it when I started this blog. Then and now I recognize the vanity of it all, and even as I wrote this I hate to admit that every single hair on my head matters.

Even though many cancer patinets loose their hair on their second treatment, I still have hair. In fact only I can tell that it has thinned a little. Weeks ago to prepare for the mass exodus of hair from folcials I completely chopped off my hair. The new style is called a Pixie cut-- (think Julia Roberts in Hook or the super short do that Sharon Stone sports sometimes). It's RADICALLY different than any other style I've ever had, and because it's so different several people don't recognize me. Until yesterday I wasn't certain I liked it.

I went to church with Matt yesterday for the first time in several weeks. Several people approached me just to tell me how much they love the new cut! In fact, a couple of Matt's co-workers said word per word the exact same thing: "You must really hate how cute you look with that new hair cut." It was then that I realized that with the new hair cut I've been getting more attention from the opposite gender-- (don't worry. I am a VERY HAPPY newly wed. I make sure that the indivdual is blinded by the new 'bling bling' I acquired this July). It's been a great ego boost. It's as if I've reached the apex of good hair, now that I'm days or weeks away from it all falling out. Which makes it a more difficult to accept it's falling out.

Really, I’m okay with my hair falling out. All this attention to my hair right before it waves ado has given me some new perspective. Yes, it's only hair and it will grow back. It's been great to have these last couple weeks of feeling beautiful. Especially because I've been anticipating feeling and looking like a bald ugly shrew (and on some level I still do expect to feel that way when I loose it all). I realize now that there is some kind of power wrapped up in beauty- that strangers will talk and listen to you and even seek you out. In contrast, I'll cross the street to avoid scary or strange looking folks. I know better, and I especially know now that appearances are deceiving. My hair matters in how I perceive myself, and how I believe people perceive me. I read recently an account of another cancer survivor who said ‘baldness announces to a room of strangers that I have cancer without me ever saying a word.’ Most of all I'm frustrated with my own vanity, that my hair matters so much, and that it bothers me so much that I no longer have the power to determine who knows about my disease.

I FINISHED THE PAPER!

I have spent the last week working on fine tuning a massive amount of information in to eight pages of drivel. It's a skill I know-- me, google, the new computer (it's yet to be named). I think that my brain cells are still a sighing with relife.

ahh-- now another week to relax before the next bit of this project is due. OH I AM SOOOO GLAD it's mid semester.

ahh -sleep.

1/3 of the way!

Hey Gang!

I neglected my habit of blogging on Sundays to write a paper, that I still have yet to complete (it's due tomorrow).

Good news! I am 1/3 of the way through Chemo! Ed & Julie Turner joined us once again for chemo last Friday. I make a least four trips to the oncology department between treatments now, and even though I'm only coming in to get a shot it feels like I am waiting forever. But when friends come along time some kind of time warp ensues. Treatment last week flew by, we laughed and chatted with my roommate. (I'm beginning to realize that they give me one heck of a sedative before administering the BIG drugs). Matt & I are very very blessed to have the Turner's in our lives!

I spent a good chunk of the weekend napping or assisting in assembling a computer desk. As far as school I'm nearly mid-way through the semester so class work is picking up a bit. Classes are good this semester and are totally manageable.

Tomorrow I'm going in for all kinds of exciting tests to check on the status of my lymph nodes.